I recently met a woman who told me the reason she moved from New England to Florida was her fear of ticks. Apparently, she was very frightened of Lyme disease and thought that Florida would be a good place to move to protect herself and her family from ticks. She moved to Florida to escape ticks. I wanted to laugh. I thought, “Lady, are you insane? Do you know how much stuff can kill you in Florida? I mean, have you even seen the size of our bugs?” Of course, I didn’t say that. I merely smiled politely and nodded while I kept thinking. If safety was your number one priority, would Florida be your pick? She couldn’t think of a safer place to move? Does she read the news? That’s when this list came to mind. I know some of these things are not unique to Florida (e.g. deadly hurricanes hit other states), but does any state have this many weird things? So here, in no order of likelihood or importance, is a list of 19 things that can kill you in Florida. Why 19? Because I could only think of 19. If I think of more or if anyone has any suggestions, I’ll add more.

1) Alligators

2) Lightning

3) Sinkholes

4) Your neighbor’s meth lab exploding

5) Red ants

6) Killer bees

7) Pythons

8) Tornadoes

9) Hurricanes

10) Florida man

11) Riptides

12) Sharks

13) Sting rays

14) Jellyfish (even dead ones washed up on the beach can sting. Bastards.)

15) Flesh eating bacteria at the beach. This lucky guy was attacked by a stingray and then he got the flesh eating bacteria.

16) Mosquitoes

17) Cigautera fish poisoning

18) Brain eating amoeba

19) Digging in the sand at the beach

Remember to buckle your seat belt and wash your hands. Welcome to Florida.

 

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5 thoughts on “Stuff That Can Kill You in Florida

  1. Great title, you could start a series, “stuff that can kill you in___________”
    You liked a comment of mine on HBT recently (Twice! I’m very proud)and the notification went to my email somehow. I don’t know how that is done, but following one of your comments months ago I discovered your blog here and I like it. You are both smart and funny and that’s a great combo. I know you have Dominican heritage from earlier comments and your musings and I wanted to share a joke that I hope is not offensive or racist. Background: Key and Peele have a skit show on Comedy Central and they had a baseball skit. Joke: At one point, a player says “But I’m from the Dominican Republic! I’m naturally exuberant!” To which another player answers, “This is the Major Leagues. We’re ALL from the Dominican Republic!” I just laughed out loud – it does sometimes seem that there are so many Dominicans in baseball, relative to the population.

    Anyway, keep doing what you are doing. I think you and historiophiliac are sort of the conscience of HBT and I always enjoy seeing you both comment. Many commenters are hit and miss but you two are very consistent. Thanks, Tom

    1. Thanks, Tom. I appreciate it. I gave you a little “star” in WordPress’ app. That’s why it notified you via email. It’s like an extra special thumbs up. 🙂 Historiophiliac is also one of my favorite commenters too. She’s very smart and witty.

      Great joke–it’s the truth!

  2. indaburg. Don’t know if this will get to you or not, but will try anyhow.
    A whole bunch of us who are extremely displeased with the redesign at NBC/HBT are gathering at “https://scoutsaysweitersisabust.wordpress.com/” to discuss his,maybe, new blog site. I, for one, would love for you to join us. Your comments were always fun to read/reply to, and you’re more baseball knowledgeable than a lot of the other commenters on there.
    Anyhow, if you wish to join us, great. If you decide not to, happy trails, it’s been fun talking to you.

  3. Hi Indy,
    You missed snakes. Florida is the only state that has all 4 of north America’s venomous snakes. Rattlesnakes, Moccasins (Cottonmouths), Coral snakes, and Cottonmouth’s.

    Now you have an even 20.

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